


Blossom

by Alienhands



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Difficult mother-daughter dynamic, Eventual Romance, F/F, F/M, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Not really tbh, Reincarnation, Self-Insert, Slow Burn, Sort Of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:54:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25489570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alienhands/pseuds/Alienhands
Summary: Plum blossoms are an early sign of spring. They grow in bitter cold and ice, signaling to onlookers that winter is almost over.(A woman is reborn in the Naruto universe and that's as simple as it gets from there.)
Relationships: Gaara (Naruto)/Original Female Character(s), Inuzuka Kiba/Original Female Character(s), Nara Shikamaru/Original Female Character(s), OC/?, Rock Lee/Original Female Character(s), Tenten (Naruto)/Original Female Character(s), These may change, Uchiha Sasuke/Original Female Character(s), Yamanaka Ino/Original Female Character(s), and maybe some more
Comments: 9
Kudos: 111





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I put it in the tags, but just in case, I wanted to reiterate here: 
> 
> This story features child neglect, abuse, and a generally complicated mother-daughter relationship. 
> 
> If that kind of thing is too difficult for you to read, I recommend you sit this story out, because it's going to be a pretty prominent theme. I will try to post heads-ups at the start of each chapter in which abuse or neglect occurs so you're warned in advance. Let me know if there is anything else that you'd like me to warn about too.
> 
> Please take care of yourselves!

Nothingness had been my companion for so long that when giant hands enveloped me and pulled me straight from it, I scarcely remembered how to be. Ripped away from the comforting dark and thrust into the brightest light that I had ever seen, it was no wonder that I screamed the way I did. My ears throbbed from a cacophony of sound hitting them as if they were hearing for the first time. I screamed harder, screwing my eyes shut tightly, but the backs of my eyelids weren't enough against this incomprehensible brightness. On top of it all, I felt a thrumming pulse around me, or maybe a thousand thrumming pulses, a sensation that was so entirely new and intense and awe-inspiring that all I could react with was pure terror.

It dawned on me faintly that I was not the only one screaming, until I was tugged the rest of the way from my cocoon and the other voice gave way to sobs. The giant hands stroked my brow and I became aware of gentle murmuring all around me. I quieted, trying to make out what they were saying, but it was gibberish to me. I strained my ears and could soon tell that, though it wasn't a language I could understand, it was somewhat familiar. I had heard it before, hadn't I?

A sharp pain at my midsection tore my attention away. I thrashed desperately at the hands but the being (deity?) merely giggled at me and carried me to the weeping woman.

As I was transferred into a strong set of arms, I gingerly opened my eyes to observe my captor. I was met with an enormous, tear-streaked face looming over mine, and perhaps it was because I hadn't seen another person in so long, but in that moment the radiant, faintly tremulous smile she sent me was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I tried to tell her so, but all that left me was a whimper. My tongue was like lead in my mouth and my vocal cords were ravaged.

The woman didn't seem surprised by this, however. She shushed me and drew me close, and I was struck with the same comfort that had existed in the void I had left. My eyelids drooped as she pressed a soft kiss to my brow and though I was falling asleep alarmingly quickly, I wasn't worried. I knew that this woman would do whatever was in her power to keep me safe.

* * *

" _What will you call her?"_

_I paused at the question. I'd never expected to make it this far. Every day of this had been a step in an uphill climb, every night a triumph. I had come so far for this moment and yet had failed to imagine it._

_I glanced outside my window, observing the last pink vestiges of the sunset glinting off the snow, and reflected idly on the omen. Anyone I knew would say that it was bad luck to be born at sunset. The life of the child would be plagued with endings instead of beginnings, and far too few opportunities to build from. I smiled wryly._

" _It's a good time for a birth, isn't it?"_

_I looked up sharply at the medic. She had spoken offhandedly, but the contradiction with my own thoughts struck me._

" _What do you mean?"_

_She looked up from her work and gave me a warm smile. For a moment I was tempted to discount her words when I saw it. This woman may have been older than me, but in many ways I could see that she was just a child, really, someone who knew nothing of the world outside this village._

" _Well," the medic mused, straightening, "this winter has been unusually cold, but it's almost over. You can tell because the plum trees are blossoming even in this frost." She gestured at the view outside. "They say that a child born in spring will always have a fruitful life."_

_I leaned back and mulled this over. "Even in this frost," I repeated. I looked down at the child. It had been so long since I'd dared to hope_ _._

"… _I want to name her Baika," I whispered, tightening my hold on my daughter. "My little blossom."_

* * *

The confusion of existence began to sort itself out over time, although it seemed like an age. My senses dulled, or rather I grew used to having them again, and I found myself able to perceive the world with a clarity I never had before. Part of that came from the newness of my body. My skin was more sensitive than it ever had been and my eyes and ears keener. I knew it was also due to an extra sense that I had gained. It was tricky to understand, let alone describe. Of my other five senses, it was the closest to touch, but it would be better to call it an awareness. Every living thing blazed around me, and while it wasn't unpleasant, I had no idea what was happening to me. It took a while to move on from the difficulty of that fact and to accept it, but the revelation that I was an infant dwarfed it so completely that I managed soon enough.

'This isn't how it should be.'

I knew this because this wasn't how it always had been. I could recall a different body with poorer sight and more aches, a spine that hurt from too much time hunched over desks and one hand that hadn't closed into a proper fist since I'd punched a wall and broken it long ago. This hand made a fist easily, though, and in those early days I spent a surprising amount of time flexing it and staring at it in wonder.

This body was often a little too warm. It was fine in the beginning, but it wasn't long until the weather began to heat up and I found myself kicking off the blankets at night covered in sweat. I wasn't alone in this; though she bore it well, when she came in the door my mother immediately stripped and changed into loose, lightweight clothes that most other people in the village would have shivered just to look at. The first time she took me with her for a walk outside, I was dismayed to learn that it was still spring, and immediately thought that summer was going to be miserable.

I was proven right.

It was only a matter of time until I saw my reflection. My mother carried me into the bathroom to wash me and held me up to the mirror beside her own grinning face, making silly expressions to amuse me.

Even knowing that I wouldn't see what I was used to, I subconsciously expected a tall girl with dark curls and green eyes and tan skin. Blinking my brown eyes at my tiny form and the shock of light hair atop my disproportionately huge baby head was disconcerting the first time.

I started to get used to my new reflection soon, however, sooner than I would have thought.

I didn't know how to feel about that.

* * *

It occurred to me that I hadn't just woken up like this one day. I could still recall the state of not being, the state of nothingness that I had enjoyed for what felt like a long, long time. To have reached that nothingness, though, I knew something must have happened. I hadn't just appeared in the void.

When I thought about it for a moment, I knew that I must have died.

Although really, I supposed that I'd always known that. I wasn't realizing it so much as acknowledging it for the first time.

What I did realize was that I didn't remember it. I didn't know how it had happened. I knew that I had been twenty-three, no less healthy than any other out-of-shape artist I knew, and living a very low-risk lifestyle. It would have been some accident or something, probably.

Every time I thought too much about it, though, I felt myself hitting a mental wall. Something telling me 'You don't want to go here.'

I listened to it.

* * *

(It wasn't the first time I had felt something like that. I had noticed something odd that first time walking around outside. Over the rooftops, I could just barely see carved faces in the mountainside, looking out over the village. Something about them itched at the back of my mind in recognition. I ignored the feeling.)

* * *

One night I woke to my mother thrashing in her sleep like she was being assaulted on all sides. The air was heavy, my extra sense drowning from some enormous presence in the room. It pressed against the walls of the apartment like it was trying desperately to escape, and I could hardly breathe. I frantically looked around for someone—something—that could be emitting it but I saw that the room was empty except for the two of us. Mother whimpered, tears leaking from the corners of her eyes, and the very air trembled in time with her weeping.

On noticing this, I hesitated. 'Is it coming from her?'

I reached up with a weak arm, gently pressed my tiny hand to her face, and began to stroke it. She twitched but didn't squirm away, the threatening aura freezing in place as if from indecision. My clumsy hands did their best to smooth her blond hair away from where it was plastered to her forehead. She shuddered and leaned into my touch, and the presence that had been so frightening a moment before curled itself inwards until it rested in an almost protective circle around the bed.

I continued until her breaths had evened out again, and then I rolled over and went back to sleep.

* * *

My mother got a job. I was pretty sure that was it, anyway. She started leaving me home alone for extended periods of time. On the one hand, it wasn't that big a deal since I wasn't about to crawl to off and drink bleach or something. On the other, it wasn't like she knew that. It was pretty irresponsible not to have someone look after me.

Then again, she'd also never had visitors. There was no father in the picture, no grandmother to come help her out with me or even a friend who'd been over for dinner. Aside from me, it seemed Mother was totally alone.

And given how little furniture there was in the apartment, it didn't appear that we had much money to spend. I suspected the only reason that nobody was watching me was that she couldn't afford to pay someone.

So, I didn't hold it against her. On the contrary, I did my best to make life easier for her. When she came home exhausted, I reached my tiny arms for her and smiled. The grin she gave me back as she gathered me into her arms told me that even though supporting me was clearly a lot of work, it was work she would do in a heartbeat for me. I couldn't help but love her for that.

* * *

How old was I really? Perhaps at my birth I could have told you confidently. 'Twenty-three,' I'd have said. That was how many years of memory I had, so that was how old I was. Over time, though, it became harder to answer that question.

Every day, I grew a little more distant from my previous self. I didn't feel like the same person. In many ways, I was not. I had instinctually thought of this woman as my mother since the instant I saw her. There were times when that filled me with guilt. I remembered my first family. My mother was a kind, affectionate person. We hadn't always seen eye to eye, but she had done her best for me. I wished that I could find it in me to call her my 'real' mother, but I couldn't.

My body wasn't the only thing that had changed. Or maybe it was, and genetics had more influence on personality than I'd thought. It was hard to say. What I knew was that I was different. I remembered being a wild woman, a hot-tempered woman, a free spirit, a hopeless romantic. I remembered the urge to create, my devotion to my art, my certainty that I would make something of myself, that the world would see my work and know my name.

Now, I was calm. I was mild. I was patient. It would have been wrong to say that my old self had no influence over me, but in many ways she and I were not the same person. I still knew all that I had known then. I remembered that passion and fire with fondness, and, at times, longing. I remembered my mother and my older brother and my friends and the career I had left behind.

Every day, though, I became more Baika, and I was happy with that.

But every night in my dreams I was Eva again, like I had never died at all.

* * *

Then one day, the world was on fire.

I shivered in terror, unable even to scream, as my extra sense pinged _dangerdangerdanger_ and the screams outside filled the burning air.

Mother clutched me against her, huddled in the bathroom doorway. 'Doorways are some of the most stable places in buildings,' my disoriented thoughts helpfully reminded me. Mother whispered soothingly to me, but I saw the fear in her eyes and the set of her jaw. She held a strange blade in her free hand, and something about it was familiar in a way that only filled me with more dread, but I couldn't reflect on it when death was so close, and I knew it was because I had felt it before. All I could do was shiver and wait until it was over.

* * *

A few days later Mother dressed me in a black kimono to match hers. She twisted her blond hair up and pinned back my bangs with a pretty white hairclip. The solemn look in her eyes gave me an idea of where we were probably going that day.

I was right.

When we stepped out of our home, I saw more people than usual walking through the streets. Despite the increase in activity, however, the air felt quieter than I had ever felt it. Nobody spoke as we all moved in the same direction through town, all dressed in the same black kimonos. Even if we hadn't passed by countless crushed buildings spilling rubble everywhere, even if the streets hadn't borne scorch marks, the tense silence would have signaled to anyone that there had been tragedy here.

The memorial service was simple. We all crowded in front of a wooden platform at the furthest point of the village from the gates and listened reverently to a singular speaker, countless photographs of the dead set up behind him. I barely understood a word of what he said. It didn't matter, though. I knew the man who spoke before the entire village from much more than his words.

I knew him from the hat and robes he donned, red and white shining like a beacon through the sea of mourning clothes. I knew him from the people standing closest to the platform he spoke on, foreheads covered with cloth and metal headbands. I knew him from the four giant faces carved into the mountainside behind him, the ones I had recognized all along from somewhere, that I had never seen so close before. Now, almost directly below them, I was unable to deny the truth.

I was listening to the Sandaime Hokage of Konoha.

And I was in trouble.

* * *

As I slept that night, scenes unfolded before my eyes. I watched a group of children play while one blond boy sat dejected on the sidelines. I watched a brother slaughter his entire family, leaving only one survivor to languish in grief and anger. I watched a girl with vibrant pink hair walk away from a bench with her childhood friend still sitting there, staring at her retreating back in betrayal. I watched so many things, so many people, for so long, and it frightened me how intense the memories were even after all this time.

I woke in the early hours of the morning and did my best to calm my breathing. I had always known that there was something different about this world, but only now did I consider with some trepidation that it might have been a world I had seen before. I looked over at my sleeping mother, her beautiful pale hair spilling over her beauty-marked cheek and her face looking far younger and more relaxed than it ever was when she was awake. I reflected on all that I had seen, and then I realized.

The odd blade my mother had held that terrifying night was a kunai.

* * *

I put off deciding what to do with what I knew. Instead, I focused on speeding my development up a little. Every time I thought back to that hellish night—the Kyuubi's attack, I now realized—I knew I couldn't be helpless anymore. When my mother wasn't at home, I exercised my tiny limbs. They were clumsy and weak at first, but in less time than I normally would have hoped, I gained control over their movement. I reflected that this must have been due to my body's chakra. When I exercised, I was not only strengthening my muscles. I was also becoming used to feeling energy travel through my body.

That was my 'extra sense', I now knew. I felt the chakra all around me, likely more so than most infants, since I remembered a life where it wasn't there at all. Perhaps one day that would help me. I remembered the uses for chakra sensors in this world. I was a long way away from that, however; the presence of this energy in all living things was deeply intense to the point that I had difficulty distinguishing anything at all with it. It was like I was standing in a crowded room of people speaking all at once and attempting to listen for one in particular.

I did start to learn certain chakra signatures, however. I always knew when Mother—Kaa-chan, I reminded myself, I needed to work on my Japanese—when Kaa-chan was about to come home. Her chakra was gentle but strong, like a caress from a firm hand wearing a velvet glove. Most of the time, it was a small presence, small enough that most probably wouldn't have noticed it unless they were looking for it. I had come to know it very well, however.

It helped that I had felt the full thing.

There were many more nights like that first one when I'd awoken to see Kaa-chan in the clutches of a nightmare and felt that immense presence in the room with me, but they became easier to bear when I knew that it was her chakra uncurling from her body in response to her distress.

Every time she woke from her nightmares and caught sight of me curled up next to her, she relaxed, and her chakra eased with her. I knew in those moments that she would never hurt me.

I also knew that she wouldn't hesitate to kill anything that tried. 

* * *

_Baika was so much like him. Too much like him, I fretted at times as I watched her grow. People often remarked when they saw us how mother and daughter could scarcely have resembled each other more, but every time Baika turned those brown eyes on me I was forced to disagree._

_My child's brilliance astonished me frequently. Baika started walking sooner than I expected. Then again, I was no child-rearing expert, and I didn't really know what was normal for this sort of thing. Still, her face betrayed far greater understanding of her surroundings than any infant should have._

_She took far longer to speak, however. Whether it was from genuine difficulty or simply that she hadn't yet wanted to, I wasn't entirely certain. There were times when we were out in the village and I could see Baika trying to listen in on the conversations around us, her brow furrowed deeply as if in frustration. There were other times when I caught her trying to talk. Not the way babies typically gurgled out random syllables. She said things that sounded unlike any words I knew, then glanced up at me in slight panic, like they'd just slipped out. I never gave any indication that I had noticed these things, however, and the relief on Baika's face chilled me every time._

_I started reading children's stories to her every night. I made flashcards with pictures on them and went through them regularly with her, teaching her 'boat' and 'red' and 'bird.' In other words, I tried to encourage her. That was what mothers were supposed to do, I thought, then snorted. As if I knew._

* * *

Kaa-chan was, I came to understand, highly vigilant. Aside from her chakra outbursts, I almost never found any tangible proof that she was anything other than a civilian, and I was both around her more than anyone else and, at this point, actively looking for them. It was common, I was pretty sure, for high-level ninja to keep their chakra suppressed most of the time. Letting out too much of it was both an open invitation to attack and probably fairly intimidating for civilians to be around. Keeping it mostly hidden wasn't inherently suspicious.

But like I've said, there were almost no other obvious signs. I never saw that kunai again around the house, even after I got big enough to walk through it and actively search. Kaa-chan was never gone for longer than the workday, so I knew she wasn't being sent on missions. There was no genin team photo on display. Most worryingly, there was no hitai-ate anywhere.

She was definitely a ninja, though, or at least had been once. Even if I hadn't felt the size of her chakra, even if I hadn't seen that kunai in her hand like it belonged there, now that I knew to look for them, I saw other things.

Kaa-chan moved with an unbelievable grace. She never dropped or broke things in front of me; in fact, her reflexes were quick enough that when things slipped from my stubby toddler fingers, she usually caught them with ease. She wielded the kitchen knife with startling precision while preparing dinner. More than anything, though, the nuances of her behavior practically telegraphed the truth to me now. She was always watching when we were in public, eyes flicking around every room she entered. First, she scanned for entrances and exits. Then she took turns sizing up every person there, gaze lingering on any ninja.

And every time, she did this so quickly, with such an unassuming aura about her, that nobody else ever seemed to notice.

Not only was she a ninja, Kaa-chan was powerful.

And she was deathly afraid of something.

* * *

As my first birthday approached, Kaa-chan became more withdrawn. Even as she smiled at me, I could tell that she wasn't really here. She started humming unfamiliar tunes around the apartment and each day she spoke less than the day before.

The week before my birthday was the worst of it. She stopped bothering to put her hair up, the pale strands hanging lifelessly in her face. When she came home from work each day, she just walked straight to our bedroom and closed the door behind her and that was that. I sat in the kitchen and watched the hands of the clock move well past dinner time and she never came back out. When I finally entered our room for bed I found her either in a nearly catatonic state, not seeming to notice me at all no matter how I tried to gain her attention, or else already deep asleep, still fully dressed. I went to bed hungry every night and woke every morning to a large breakfast waiting for me on the table, her silent apology for her own neglect.

One night, I entered our room a little earlier than usual and just barely caught a glimpse of her sliding a floorboard back in place that I had never noticed was loose before. Curiosity burned in me, but I forced myself to ignore it. I didn't bother thinking about whatever she was hiding from me. Her empty eyes upset me too much.

On the morning of my first birthday, the spell was broken. Kaa-chan woke me early to usher me out to the balcony and watch the sunrise with me, her hand rubbing soothing circles against my back. I still had some trouble with Japanese, but I understood her fully when she turned to me and whispered, "I love you, Baika. Don't ever doubt that I love you."

Even though she'd spent the last week inside her head, even though I knew better than most children my age that our parents weren't supposed to forget about us, I believed her fully. I threw my tiny arms around her and felt my eyes tear up a little bit. I was simply grateful that she was with me again, and for now, that was enough.

* * *

The next year passed much like the first. I rarely spent time around anyone other than Kaa-chan, and she rarely spent time around anyone other than me. My language comprehension shot up quickly, and if I spoke a little better than a kid my age should, she never said anything. I mastered the art of walking without falling over, something that made me feel embarrassingly proud considering how mundane an activity it really was, and the books Kaa-chan read to me got more advanced.

I asked Kaa-chan one day how she was so graceful and she began to teach me how to dance. That became a regular pastime of ours, and I loved every minute; even if I still felt like a clumsy oaf compared to her, it was thrilling to whirl and spin around the room with her. Every time that I really let myself go in a dance, flowing faster and faster until my mind couldn't keep up with my body, I felt something of Eva take over me and surrendered to the moment completely.

It brought Kaa-chan joy, too. I relished every proud smile she sent me at my progress. My balance and posture improved, and I practiced walking how she did, trying to copy the way she glided across the floor.

I had almost forgotten about how Kaa-chan had withdrawn from the world last year until it was a month before my birthday and I realized it was about to happen again. I could see it in the distance of her gaze, could feel it in how she rarely wanted to venture outside anymore except to go to work. She became more absent-minded, especially where keeping up the home was concerned. Food rotted in the fridge and I was the one to throw it out. The floor became filthy and I was the one to sweep it clean.

The near-catatonic state came on a little sooner this time, but this time I wasn't going to try and urge her out of it. I knew it wasn't going to end until she decided it was. I fixed my own meals and tried to ignore the resentment bubbling up inside me.

I caught her moving that loose floorboard back again one evening. I still said nothing, but I was not going to forget about it this time.

When my second birthday arrived, she was, indeed, back to normal, and while I was relieved to see her smile, I knew now that it wouldn't last.

* * *

The next time that she was out, I slowly crept to the spot and felt for the correct floorboard. If I hadn't seen it move, I never would have found it, but after a few moments my fingers managed to catch it and I slowly, carefully, moved it to the side and peered inside the floor.

There were a few things I could spot down in Kaa-chan's hiding spot. I saw folded blue and brown clothes, what appeared to be a casual yukata of sorts and some kind of thick, pinstriped underclothing. It looked warm. Atop it was a weapons pouch and a faded photograph of a young couple. I leaned down and examined it.

They weren't quite adults. The taller of the two, just barely, had long dark hair spilling over their shoulders and a face pretty enough that I was not entirely sure whether it belonged to a man or a woman, although I leaned towards the former after a beat. He was smiling fondly at the girl beside him, his brown eyes gleaming. The girl had pale blond hair in twin braids and a beauty mark beneath one of her pale gray eyes. She appeared to be huffing at him, brows furrowed and a deep flush on her cheeks.

They were looking at each other with such tangible affection that a lump came to my throat. That was when I noticed the dried tear stains on the photograph.

I didn't dare to touch anything. Instead, I slid the floorboard back in place and left the room.

* * *

"Asuka-san!"

My mother glanced up from the groceries and stiffened very slightly, slightly enough that the woman hurrying over most certainly didn't notice.

"I'm sorry," she said, a charming smile coming to her lips. "Have we met?"

The woman grinned when she reached us. "I suppose it's been awhile, hasn't it," she chuckled. "Forgive me. It's Aiko, from the hospital. I helped deliver your daughter. It's been, what, about two years now?" She cast a warm look my way, and I clutched Kaa-chan's skirt. It's not that I was especially shy, but Kaa-chan was tense. She didn't want to be here. "Baika-chan, right? Such an unusual name, but it suits someone as cute as you!" She reached down and booped my nose, and I was startled enough that I turned bright red.

Kaa-chan rested a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. "I remember now," she said softly. "You were very comforting to me."

Aiko brightened and straightened up. "I'm glad to hear it. You seemed so afraid when you first came in. You had only just arrived in Konoha, right?"

I furrowed my brows. This was news to me.

"It seems like you've adjusted though," Aiko continued. "You seem right at home now! I heard that you were planning on buying up the old café by the library, right?"

Kaa-chan giggled. "It sounds like you've been keeping tabs on me," she remarked with a practiced ease that I marveled at.

Aiko blushed, glancing to the side. "W-well, truth is, I've never been able to forget about you," she mumbled. "I was so touched when I heard your story… To be in a new village with a child and no husband around to help you." Her smile dimmed. "In fact, I… well. I know a little bit now about raising a kid alone."

Kaa-chan assessed the woman in a new light at this. I watched the tension drain from her, a tenderness entering her smile, and I knew that she had decided that this woman was not a threat.

"It's sweet of you to worry," she said, dipping her head. "Yes, I'm buying Ito-san's café. She's ready to retire, and I've enjoyed my time working there."

I was learning a great deal about my mother today.

"That's great! I'll have to come by the place sometime, see what you do with it." She glanced down at me and smiled again. "You're just younger than my Kazu, you know," she confided. "Maybe there'll have to be a playdate soon."

I didn't know I felt about spending time with other children, but Kaa-chan seemed to like it. "She hasn't gotten to be around many kids her age," she mused, and she looked down at me. "How would you like that, blossom?"

I saw the hope in her eyes and immediately nodded my agreement.

* * *

That night, I reflected on what I had learned. Knowing that my mother wasn't from Konoha made sense. I still had yet to see any friends or family. She spent all her time either at work or with me. She eyed those who spoke to her in public with deep distrust. It all fit with someone who was unfamiliar with the village. It was also worrying in the context of what I had already discovered about her.

If she was from Konoha, she might have been an early retiree from the force, someone who had decided that ninja life wasn't for her and who was eager to forget about it. If she wasn't, however, then it looked a little different.

It looked like she had run from her village.

It looked like she was hiding.

* * *

Soon after that, I met Aiko's son and I remembered what children my age were supposed to be like.

He barely spoke and hid behind her leg for most of the time. I was somewhat at a loss. In my previous life, I had little experience with kids, and I didn't really know what to do with a toddler. Kaa-chan gave me a nod of encouragement, however, and I stepped forward and bowed.

"Nice to meet you," I said.

Aiko grinned. "Well said, Baika-chan," she praised. She knelt to her son's level and gently urged him forward. "Can you say 'nice to meet you,' Kazuya?"

Kazuya grunted and sloppily copied my bow. "…N-Nice t'meet," he mumbled.

It was altogether an awkward first encounter, especially since he could barely talk, but Kaa-chan was thrilled and spoke excitedly with Aiko the whole time about our future friendship, and that was enough for me to make an effort.

* * *

_I knew Baika was different from other children her age._

_I supposed I'd always expected it, given who her parents were, but it didn't make it less painful to see every day. I'd hoped that spending time with Kazuya would bring some normalcy to her, but over time it was clear that she was not going to grow out of her oddness._

" _I love you," I said every day, and meant it._

' _I am afraid for you,' my mind echoed every time._

* * *

When Kaa-chan bought the café, I no longer was left alone at home; now that she was her own boss, she was able to bring me to work with her. She dressed me in a simple yukata like hers. It was a little too hot, but I didn't complain because I knew she felt the same. She showed me where the supplies were kept and told me the greeting to give the customers. In the beginning, greeting was about my only responsibility. She gave me coloring books and toys to play with behind the counter, but I only bothered with them to please her. Most of the time, I was too busy watching.

I kept an eye out for familiar faces. I knew that, if the Kyuubi's attack had taken place in my first year, it placed me in the same age group as the Rookie 9. That meant that everyone Naruto had known in Konoha was here, now, walking around and living their lives.

Theoretically, at least, given that I had yet to see anyone.

The village wasn't small, even if it was nothing compared to the cities I'd seen, and fewer citizens than you'd think were shinobi. Most of the people who came in and out of the café were just civilians, and the ninja who did show up were almost always genin and chunin that I had no recognition of. There had been a tokubetsu jonin who had come in once for a coffee and set Kaa-chan completely on edge. I had yet to see a full-fledged jonin.

I gathered the nerve to ask Kaa-chan about it one long, slow day at work, and she blinked. "I believe I've heard that, including those who have retired, they're about one third of the village," she said. "Why, blossom? Curious about shinobi?" She smiled, but I could read her better than anyone and I saw the slight anxiety behind her eyes.

I shrugged, downplaying it. "They're cool," I said, the best explanation I could offer for a child to be interested.

Kaa-chan giggled and ruffled my hair. I brushed the ashy blond strands from my eyes and pouted up at her, but she scarcely seemed to notice.

"I suppose they are," she murmured distantly.

* * *

After this conversation took place, I became less watchful for familiar faces.

Of course, that was when one walked right through the door.

A lovely woman with coal-black hair ushered in a scowling toddler and smiled at my mother's greeting. "Ah, I think some hot chamomile," she said. "My son doesn't like the cold."

I frowned. It was still pretty warm to me, but winter was coming on and the others around the village were already complaining of the chill.

Kaa-chan chuckled as she glanced over at me, and I saw instantly that she wanted me to come over. I did, standing by the counter and meeting the eyes of the dark-haired child dead on. He seemed startled at it, as if nobody had looked at him in so unimpressed a manner, and his frown deepened. "Baika, say hello," she urged gently.

His mother was thrilled to see me. "Sasuke, look! You two can play while we warm up."

My heart momentarily stopped.

I tried not to react outwardly to the name, but my expression must have shifted, because he seemed even unhappier all of a sudden.

"Don't wanna," he grumbled, and our mothers traded amused glances.

"That's not very polite," his mother—Uchiha Mikoto, I reminded myself—scolded. "You'll never make friends if you aren't nice, Sasuke."

Kaa-chan, likewise, appeared put out that I was forgetting my manners, so I pushed aside thoughts of Team 7 and Orochimaru and the Uchiha massacre and bowed. "Nice to meet you, Sasuke-kun," I whispered.

He seemed startled, but his expression relaxed and gave way to something shyer. "Nice to meet you," he said stiffly. He spoke more clearly than Kazuya, I noted, but I supposed that came from clan obligations and also being admittedly pretty brilliant.

This playdate was shorter than the handful I'd had with Kazuya, but it was less awkward since he spoke better, and I didn't worry as much that I was acting too grown up for him.

That didn't mean that I didn't go to the back room and cry when he left at the thought of what was in store for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had this story knocking around my head for awhile, so I'm very excited to present it to you! I have a lot planned for these characters. I hope you'll enjoy the direction it goes in.
> 
> I will say from the start that pairings are not definitive yet. I put a handful of potential pairings in the tags, but nothing will be finalized there until Baika is considerably older, although there will be moments for various pairings before then.
> 
> The rating may increase over time.
> 
> Comments are appreciated! I'd love to hear what you all think.


	2. Chapter 2

I had procrastinated for too long. I'd known for a while that I would have to make a decision about the future, both on the behalf of others and of myself, but part of me had been holding out hope that, somehow, I'd be able to avoid doing anything.

Perhaps I hadn't fully started thinking of the characters as anything _but_ characters. I hadn't so much as spoken to one yet, hadn't had an opportunity to see them in the flesh. Perhaps I'd started to think that I never would.

The second I'd laid eyes on Sasuke, however, that delusion had disappeared. Because he _wasn't_ a character anymore to me. I'd talked to him. I'd met his mother. I'd watched him burn his tongue on his tea and pout like a child—because that's what he was. He was a real, living, breathing child. I couldn't avoid that truth anymore.

I lay awake in bed, deep in thought. I didn't remember the series with incredible clarity. I had enjoyed it as a teenager; I'd first started the anime when I'd been, what, fourteen? That would have been around nine years ago, and I hadn't even finished it. In other words, I didn't know everything that was coming.

I knew a little about the ending, though, and it had all turned out alright from what I understood. Even for Sasuke. 'Wasn't there a spinoff series about their kids?' I tried to recall. 'I remember the outrage over Sasuke and Sakura ending up together…' If that was so, then they had clearly overcome everything thrown their way in the original story.

Even if I did absolutely nothing, therefore, it would be okay.

Sort of.

They were still all going to be traumatized. Sasuke's face returned to my mind. Misfortune would strike him especially hard. I thought of what lay ahead of him, the Uchiha curse of hatred, the cycle of pain and vengeance he would surrender to, the endless torments he had in store. I thought of the massacre, of Orochimaru, of his defection from Konoha and quest to murder his brother.

And he was only one person. What about Naruto? What about Sakura? What about the scores of faceless shinobi and civilians who would lose their lives on the peripheries?

What about Kaa-chan?

I rolled onto my side to gaze at her sleeping form. I had no guarantee that she was going to make it through, no knowledge of how her future would be impacted by the bloodshed ahead. She was capable, but many strong people would die in the years ahead.

(I tried not to think of Neji.)

What was more, Kaa-chan's strength was a secret. I truly had no idea what the hokage would do if she were discovered. What if she were accused of spying? What if he gave her back to her village, let them deal with her? Missing-nin weren't exactly treated well, and I didn't even know what village she'd come from.

Horror engulfed me at the realization that she could be from Oto for all I knew. That would truly be a nightmare.

The more I thought, the less certain I felt that I could afford to sit on the sidelines and simply watch the future unfold.

The risks of getting involved, though, were considerable. Even if I ignored danger to myself, which was admittedly high, I could very well change things in the wrong way. The original plot had a happy ending. Getting involved could keep that happy ending from occurring altogether.

But if I didn't try, wouldn't I always wonder what I might've done?

When I finally drifted off to sleep, my dreams were plagued by dead bodies and red eyes and a cold voice whispering, "You chose wrong."

* * *

"I don't feel good," I informed Kaa-chan when she woke me the next morning.

She scanned my face. I must have looked exhausted because she accepted the excuse without hesitation, leaning down and pressing her lips to my temple before she left. The door clicked shut behind her and I rolled out of bed.

I had not deliberately reached for my chakra even once in this life. It was time that I finally experimented.

I placed my hand on the wall, attempting to remember the exercise. 'You use chakra to stick to the surface, right?' I almost tried it when I thought of how the trees Naruto and Sasuke practiced on had been damaged when they'd used too much chakra. I couldn't afford to do this in our apartment.

I looked around for something else. Anything I could practice the technique with. My gaze landed on one of my toys on the shelf, a little boat, and I eyed it in thought. 'If it breaks, I can say I dropped it or something,' I mused. I marched over and grabbed the toy, placing it in the palm of my hand, and concentrated.

Nothing.

I frowned and tried again, reaching deep inside myself to where I felt my chakra pooling in my stomach. 'Move,' I tried telling it.

It only lurched, as if deliberately resisting my command. I gritted my teeth and willed it to please, please, just move. My jaw began to hurt and sweat began to bead on my brow, but my chakra barely budged.

My spirits sank. I reminded myself of how young this body was and that I was trying to do a technique that _genin_ had trouble with. Sakura had mastered tree walking right away, but she had been twelve and also exceptional at chakra control. Why had I thought that I could do it right away?

'Because I'm not a kid,' I thought sullenly. 'Not entirely. And I'm probably more aware of my chakra than any other person on this earth, since I didn't always have it. Shouldn't that be enough?'

I trudged to my bed and sat down to stew in quiet disappointment. What could be the problem? What made someone bad at chakra control, anyway?

Perhaps, I thought, the issue was that I'd never had to consciously engage with chakra before. If I could do that, the rest would be relatively easy… in theory. I brainstormed a way to connect with my chakra. There had to be some exercise for it.

It was a moment before it occurred to me. Meditation could isolate the mind from external distractions and bring a deeper awareness to the body. Surely it would at least help me understand my own chakra better?

'Worth a try.'

I lay down, closed my eyes, and began to breathe deeply. For a hot-head, Eva had been pretty decent at this in her lifetime, and I was considerably more patient than she had been. As my muscles relaxed, I honed my focus on my stomach, where my coils resided.

The circulation of my energy was calming. I visualized it as a river, flowing with a slow but powerful force. Hesitantly, I imagined dipping a hand into it. It was ice cold, but I found it comforting. I slipped inside the icy water and let the current pull me along, basking in the chill. I exhaled softly and noticed with a start that where my breath touched the water, it was beginning to freeze solid. I glanced up and went rigid at the sight that greeted me.

The entire river was clouding over with a layer of ice. It spread across the surface at an alarming pace, and I whirled to see that it was coming from all sides straight toward me. I ducked my head into the water on instinct to avoid it and the spot where my head had just been was frozen in an instant. I was trapped beneath an increasingly thick layer of ice. Terror clawed at me as I pounded on it, but it wouldn't move, and the water was getting more and more solid around me—

I jerked from my meditation and blinked my eyes at the ceiling. Frost stuck to my eyelashes and my short breaths condensed into clouds of vapor in front of me. My entire body had grown frighteningly cold.

I forced myself up and ran to the bathroom, gasping at my reflection. My sweat had turned to a thin layer of ice upon my skin and, to my horror, my skin was a pale gray and my lips were blue with chill.

'Frostbite,' I thought in a panic. I stripped out of my clothes and threw myself into the shower, turning the hot water on and forcing myself to stand directly in the spray for as long as

I could, gritting my teeth at the burning pain it brought to every inch of me that it touched.

When I stumbled out at last, my skin, though faintly red, was back to normal, my lips a healthy pink. The only evidence of what had happened was the still frozen pile of clothes in the corner, and I draped them over the water heater to steam off.

"No more unsupervised chakra work," I promised my reflection.

* * *

(I vaguely remembered that there was something important about chakra and ice. I did not think about it.)

* * *

Even if I had wanted to, I didn't have many opportunities after that to practice. I was with Kaa-chan all day, every day, and I didn't know how to broach the subject of training with her. I wasn't even sure I knew how soon I could get started. As a toddler, surely I'd have to wait a little while.

'Itachi was pretty young,' I mused as I idly doodled in the margins of my coloring book. 'But he was considered a genius.'

I outlined another petal on the rose I was drawing, my pink marker squeaking as I pressed down a little harder than necessary. 'Do I want to be a genius even? If I attract too much attention, then…'

I thought of a man with a sharingan-infused arm and shuddered. 'I don't want that guy coming anywhere near me.'

It was a sobering reminder, how narrow a tightrope I would have to walk if I tried to go through with this. I'd have to be strong enough to make a difference, but not strong enough to have a silencing seal slapped on my tongue. It was hard to determine where to draw that line, or even if such a line could be drawn. How early would I need to start to get ahead? How late would I need to start to not attract attention?

My eyes flicked to Kaa-chan as she charmed a young customer, his blush evident while he stuttered out his order and she giggled.

'Then again… I could always just ask, right?'

* * *

That night, as we entered our apartment, I broached the subject as casually as I could. "When do kids start training to become shinobi, Kaa-chan?"

To her credit, she didn't even flinch. "Hard to say," she said with equal ease as she slid on her house slippers. "I believe Mikoto mentioned that most students start at the academy at six or seven."

I considered leaving it there. I really did. But if I was going down this road, there was something I'd need to discuss with her at some point.

So, in that moment, I gathered my nerve and asked, "When did you start training, Kaa-chan?"

She stopped and turned, her eyes meeting mine, and she had never in my life looked at me so coldly. I almost flinched, but I held my head a little higher. I couldn't back down now.

There was a tense moment where neither of us said a thing. Then she dipped her head in acknowledgement. "When I was six." She turned away and headed to the kitchen to fix dinner. Conversation over.

I blinked at her back.

* * *

_I'd known she might catch on, ever since I'd noticed that the loose floorboard was in a slightly different position than I'd left it, but when Baika uttered those words, I'd felt my stomach sink._

_I wondered if I'd made a mistake in acknowledging it, but I'd seen the resolve in those eyes and known that it wouldn't have deterred her. After all, it wouldn't have deterred me, either._

_But now Baika knew. Baika_ knew.

_I watched my sleeping daughter's chest rise and fall evenly with every breath, and briefly imagined placing my pillow across her face and holding it until that rise and fall stopped forever. Briefly. I didn't even really consider it._

_Even so, agonizing shame rise within me. I rolled onto my side, choking on my own fear and self-hatred._

' _This day was always going to come,' I reminded myself. 'She's bright. She won't tell anyone.'_

_But now I had made her an accomplice. Now she would be lying, too. I had always intended to shield her from that responsibility._

_I couldn't let this go any further. She was safest in the dark._

_I'd do whatever it took to keep her there._

* * *

We didn't discuss it again for a long time after that. We were very good at ignoring the elephant in the room. It helped that there were plenty of other things to occupy our time and attention, such as the café.

Or, more specifically in my case, who was visiting the café.

The next time that I saw Uchiha Mikoto bring her son in by the hand, I made a beeline for the back room without hesitation.

"Uchiha-sama," I heard Kaa-chan greet warmly. "Here to warm up again?"

"We were visiting the library and I remembered how lovely that chamomile was," Mikoto replied, a smile in her voice. "Is your daughter here today?"

I drew back the curtain separating me from the rest of the shop and tried desperately to signal a 'no' to Kaa-chan, but she gave no indication she had noticed (she definitely had) and nodded her assent. "Yes, she was just fetching me something," she said, gesturing me over. "Baika, come here."

I inhaled sharply and joined her with reluctance. "What is it, Kaa-chan?" I asked, sending her a deeply unimpressed look.

She smiled down at me, and I caught a glint in her eye that told me she was enjoying this. "You remember Uchiha-sama and her son, Sasuke-kun, don't you?"

Sasuke met my eyes as directly as I had in our first meeting, folding his arms across his chest as if in challenge. "No," I said flatly, and he gaped.

Mikoto giggled behind her hand. "That's alright, Baika-chan," she said, placing a calming hand on his head. "I'm sure so many people come through here every day, it must be difficult to remember them all."

"She hasn't gotten to meet very many children her age," Kaa-chan said, squeezing my shoulder. "It made me so happy to see them play together the last time."

Mikoto smiled softly. "Me, too," she said. "Sasuke doesn't know that many other kids either."

"Don't need to," he interrupted. "I have nii-san."

My heart clenched.

"That's true," Mikoto agreed, kneeling to his level. "But you can never have too many friends. Won't you play with Baika-chan again?"

The sight of his mother's pleading expression was enough, and he uncrossed his arms. "…Fine," he muttered.

I internally sighed. No getting out of it now. "Do you like coloring?" I asked, fetching my coloring book and markers.

Sasuke glanced at them with curiosity. "It's alright," he dismissed, but the slight eagerness in his eyes betrayed his true feelings.

I couldn't help but grin. 'Already too good for kid stuff, huh?'

He continued the disinterested act for a few minutes as I began to move my marker across the page, but it wasn't long before his tiny hand grabbed a shade of blue and he was clumsily following suit.

After that, Sasuke and his mother came in somewhat frequently. Each time I saw him was a little easier, a little freer, and at times I was almost able to forget what I knew.

Almost.

* * *

"Baika!"

I looked up and very nearly snapped my pencil in half. No. No, no, no, I didn't want this, this was exactly what I wanted to avoid—

"Sasuke," I greeted, setting aside my drawing. I marveled at how normal my voice sounded. "Who's this?"

Sasuke's smile was as bright as the sun as he tugged on the hand of the much taller boy beside him. "Tell 'er," he entreated, pure affection in his gaze.

The taller boy bowed politely. "Hello. My name is Itachi. I'm Sasuke's older brother." He rose and met my eyes and it took everything I had not to flinch. "It's a pleasure to meet you. Sasuke has told me a great deal about you."

I wanted to die.

"Pleased to meet you," I echoed with a bow of my own. "Sasuke talks about you, too."

"Nii-san's just got back from a mission so he has a day off," Sasuke said, his excitement bubbling over with every word. "He's a really, really strong ninja!"

Itachi's smile became slightly pained.

"So I've heard," I said in one the grossest understatements possible. "You must be tired if you just got back. Can I offer you anything?"

"Ah, jasmine tea would be lovely." Itachi glanced down at Sasuke. "Anything for you?"

"I want some too!" I couldn't help but stare a little. Sasuke so often tried to act mature and above childish things, but Itachi's presence brought him such happiness that he didn't even try to hide. I'd never seen him behave so much like a kid.

"…Yeah," I said quietly. "I'll brew you a pot."

Sasuke bit his lip. "Will… will you sit and have some with us?"

I started. I hadn't expected that. I glanced to the side. "Well… I guess I can," I said slowly, glancing back at Kaa-chan who'd been watching the exchange from behind the service counter. She smiled encouragingly.

"I'm glad. Any friend of Sasuke is a friend of mine," Itachi said, and I winced internally as I led them to a table.

"That so?" I asked quietly.

The conversation was a little bit stilted, something that Sasuke appeared to pick up on from the way he kept blinking at my formal behavior, but I got through it intact. Unlike my first meeting with Sasuke, I didn't cry when they left. I'd grown used to the way my heart often ached when Sasuke visited. This was only a reminder of why.

* * *

_It pleased me to see Baika make another friend. It was good for her development. It was a sign of normality._

_When Sasuke brought in his brother, I had to consciously remind myself of all of these things._

_I had heard of Uchiha Itachi. I had heard what a genius he was, how ahead of his time, how he was expected to make chunin shortly._

_And he had already unlocked his family's famous dojutsu._

_Seeing him speak with my daughter, I did my best to swallow my revulsion. He would have his first kill soon. There was no question. That kind of talent carved a trail of blood wherever it went._

_I did not want that trail coming near my daughter._

* * *

"Pleasure to see you," I greeted with a bow, prompting a hearty laugh from Aiko.

"Well! That's charming service," she said, ruffling my hair.

Kazuya poked his head from behind her leg. "Hi, Bai-chan," he said with a shy smile.

"Aiko-chan," Kaa-chan called as she moved around the counter and joined us. "This is a nice surprise! What brings you here?"

"Well, I have a late shift at the hospital tonight, so I thought I'd go ahead and grab a coffee." Aiko shrugged. "Plus, you know. I thought I might visit a friend."

Kaa-chan smiled. "That doesn't hurt," she agreed. "Please, sit. Baika, you can join them."

I guided the pair to a table by the window, pulling out their chairs despite Aiko's protests. "A customer is a customer, Aiko-san," I insisted. "This is the least I can do."

She rolled her eyes. "So professional, Baika-chan," she swooned, flopping into her seat. "And so well-spoken! Kazu's learned a lot of words from you."

Kazuya flushed and I tried not to wince. Clearly, I wasn't great at speaking like a child my age.

"No, I'm sure he gets it from his mother," I said, and she giggled.

Kaa-chan joined us shortly, balancing two coffees and a pot of herbal tea on a tray.

"What are you up to? It's been a few weeks," she noted as she sat.

Aiko's lively expression dimmed in irritation. "An exercise in futility," she groused.

Kaa-chan quirked her lips. "Come on, I'm sure it's not that bad."

"You're right. It's worse." Kaa-chan raised her brows at that, and Aiko slumped. "I'm trying to get approved as a combat medic," she said at last. "The physical requirements are so strict, though. I never got to train under a jonin-sensei, so I'm at a disadvantage."

Kaa-chan hummed, sipping her coffee. "Is this a common problem?"

"Like you wouldn't believe," Aiko snorted. "Half my coworkers are in the same boat. There aren't enough resources for ninja who don't get team assignments." She rubbed her eyes. "And the ninja who do _still_ rarely qualify, since they get deployed too much to effectively study as medics. It's infuriating. Combat medics are an essential part of the force and there are never enough." Her jaw was clenched, and I got the feeling this was something that she discussed a lot. She sighed after a beat though, forcing herself to calm down. "Sorry," she muttered. "I get really fired up about this."

"Understandably so," Kaa-chan said, reaching forward and placing her hand on Aiko's. "Let's not dwell on it, though. What else has been going on with you two?"

Their conversation continued, but I found myself barely listening. I was too busy contemplating all that had been said.

* * *

I had thought about my options many times before. The idea of becoming a ninja had seemed like the most direct way to help people, but I was still leery of changing too much about the plot. Suddenly, however, another option had unfolded itself before me, seemingly so obvious that I should have recognized it before.

Combat medics were rare but indispensable. They were capable of drastically improving the odds of a mission, of saving entire squads that might have otherwise been doomed.

If I could train as a combat medic, I wouldn't have to change the story at all to do a lot of good. All I would have to do is my job. That would be enough.

Even if I ended up with no jonin-sensei, I'd have resources to help me gain the necessary skills. I'd have Aiko to help me train as a medic and Kaa-chan to help me train as a fighter.

I'd have to start working toward it ahead of time, however. Even if I could secure the help of Aiko and Kaa-chan, this was not an easy road. I'd still need to go through the academy and pass to become a genin, and after that point, it would take a good deal of work just to get myself up to field standards.

Kaa-chan had said she'd begun training at six years old. The more I thought about it, the more it seemed that I should do the same. It might be enough preparation to enter the academy a year later but not so much that I would be singled out as a genius. It was also a good place to start, though, because it might be a more acceptable age to her. It would be difficult for her to say that I was starting too early since she'd started at the same time.

Unfortunately, however, that meant that I had three years to spend sitting on my hands until I could get started. I would have to watch the time go by and let things fall into place without being able to do much about them. What was more…

The Uchiha massacre would happen pretty soon after that point.

I couldn't do anything about it. At least, I couldn't think of a plan that didn't end with me being either placed in a psych ward or suspected as a spy. Either option would mean new eyes on Kaa-chan that she really, really didn't need.

I thought of Sasuke and felt a lump in my throat. I would have to let it happen.

The thought chilled me, but it was the truth.

I shook my head and forced myself once and for all to move on from the massacre. I couldn't prevent it, but there were other things I might be able to. If I wasn't going to use the next three years training, I'd have to use them planning instead.

On my birthday, I asked my mother if I could have a small notepad to practice writing with. She bought me one without hesitation, and I set to work. Every chance I got to be alone, I wrote out whatever I could remember about Naruto's plot. I wrote in English, hoping that I was right about nobody else in this world speaking it, and kept it on me at all times. Kaa-chan never asked to see how my kanji was progressing, for which I was infinitely grateful. I could absolutely understand why she portrayed herself as delicate. Being underestimated was a great way to hide something.

* * *

Though I spent a good amount of time simply trying to prepare, I also tried to enjoy my childhood. I could remember a time when I'd wished that I'd appreciated being a kid for what it was, and while I definitely resented the limitations it presented, ('What if I just told them the truth,' I thought once, then immediately dismissed it. Nobody was going to listen to a child.) I did my best to savor it.

I threw myself into dancing and drawing. They were both reliable ways to take my mind off the pressure of the impending future. One morning, Kaa-chan entered the kitchen to find me painting furiously on all fours.

"Baika…" She looked at the paper scattered around the room, with everything from portraits to landscapes to abstract smears of color littering the kitchen floor. "How long have you been awake?"

I shrugged tiredly, wiping my forehead and probably smearing the red paint on my hands straight across it. "A while," I said.

She didn't scold me. Instead, she filled the bathtub and ushered me into it, scrubbing the colors gently from my skin until the water was opaque with paint.

"Did you have a nightmare?" she asked after a long while.

My mind flickered back to visions of Sasuke leaving Konoha. I sank deeper in the water. "Something like that," I whispered.

Kaa-chan hung up her favorite pieces of mine, so proud of my 'art', and I tried not to scoff at her exuberant praise; my hands were still not as skilled as they had been before. It was painful to know exactly what I was trying to do and to still come up short because my clumsy fingers didn't move the way I wanted. The part of me that was Eva sulked at every misplaced line. The part of me that was Baika consoled her by pointing out how we'd already progressed. My drawings might have been chicken scratch compared to my previous work, but they were pretty damn good for having been done by a kid. Still, I had to fight the urge to scowl every time I looked up at my sloppy pictures tacked on the walls.

Dancing didn't carry the same baggage. Maybe it was because I couldn't see myself, maybe it was because Eva had been much less coordinated than I was now, but I didn't feel so self-conscious. When I danced, I didn't think about much of anything. I found myself living for those moments of total thoughtlessness.

It was odd, having something that I could recall being deeply important to me usurped by something else. Every time I felt sure that I knew who I was, who Baika was, something new came along that stirred Eva up within me. It was a peculiar balancing act that I was not, in truth, getting much better at.

* * *

As my sixth birthday approached, and Kaa-chan retreated into her annual solitude, I filled the lonely hours planning how to ask her about training. I debated the best way I could make my case. I knew she wouldn't be happy. I knew she'd protest. But maybe, just maybe, she'd hear me out. That was all I needed. Once she heard that I was planning to be a medic, that the danger to myself would be minimal, maybe she'd relent. It was this thought that comforted me every time I found myself worrying.

And then, at long last, the day was here.

The celebration was a small affair. Sasuke hadn't been able to come, so Kaa-chan, Aiko, and Kazuya took me out for a modest dinner, the café having closed early for the occasion. Aiko gave me a beautiful new yukata that looked a little big, "So you can grow into it," she explained with a warm smile.

Kazuya gave me a handmade card and a bouquet that Aiko definitely had picked out, a blush staining his face. "Happy birthday, Bai-chan," he said quietly, and I couldn't help but smile.

We parted ways after dinner and Kaa-chan carried me home on her back. I rested my chin atop her head, sleepy eyes surveying the streets around us. I was already determined, but even so, I considered for one last time the comfort of the quiet life Kaa-chan wanted to give me. I imagined growing up and becoming a co-owner of the café, avoiding trouble and letting her keep me by her side forever. I imagined Kaa-chan, old and withered, dying peacefully knowing that I had lived the way she had hoped I would, a smile on her face and a hand in mine.

I thought about that smile for a long time.

It was still not enough.

"…Kaa-chan," I whispered.

"Hmm?"

"I'm six now. I want to start training."

She didn't look back, but her steps slowed.

"…No," she said quietly.

I had expected that. It didn't mean it wasn't frustrating. "You did at my age," I countered, after ensuring that nobody was around to listen.

"I did," she acknowledged. "But you can't."

"I want to be a medic, like Aiko-san. No danger necessary."

She let out a soft laugh. "Blossom, It's not just about the danger."

"Then what is it about?" I was usually able to resist childish urges, but I couldn't help but huff like a kid, and she moved me from her back to her arms so she could look down at me. She was smiling sadly, an expression that caught me off-guard.

"It's not that I don't want you to," she murmured. "Come on, we'll discuss this at home."

That was so far from what I had expected that it shut me up instantly. The rest of the walk was filled with a tense silence, each step filling me with anxiety as I wondered what could be ahead.

After what felt like an age, though, I was seated across her at the kitchen table, a steaming cup of chamomile tea in front of me. Its fragrance brought me back, for an instant, to the day I'd met Sasuke and been set on this path.

'Ironic,' I found myself thinking as I watched Kaa-chan open her mouth to begin her explanation.

I could scarcely have been more shocked at what she told me, however. My thoughts screeched to a standstill, and I stared at her blankly for several minutes.

"…You're saying that I'm sick," I repeated at last.

Kaa-chan nodded, looking weary. "I never told you," Kaa-chan continued, "because I didn't think you would pursue being a shinobi. It will never be an issue as a civilian but building your reserves and using jutsu could cripple you."

I squinted up at her. My first instinct, when my brain began working again at last, was disbelief. It was true that my awareness of my own chakra had always been heightened, to the point of discomfort in my early days. However, I'd been just as aware of the chakra of others, and I'd always thought—Well. I remembered a world where there was no such thing. That was why.

I'd thought that was why.

"How—" My voice cracked, and I took a gulp of tea. "How does it work?"

Kaa-chan sat back in her seat. "Your chakra is unusual," she murmured. "You have too much spiritual energy to mold chakra properly or control it with precision. The doctors told me that it could hurt you if you tried using it, that the spiritual energy would overload your physical body as a result."

I furrowed my brows. When it was explained like that, it started to make sense. Spiritual energy came from the mind, and my mind was much older than my body. Of course there would be an imbalance. The idea that it could hurt me, though?

(My mind flashed to my terrified face staring back at me from the mirror with blue lips and frozen skin.)

I hadn't accounted for this. My hopes of becoming a medic-nin and helping from the sidelines faded in my mind. With a few words, that plan had been rendered impossible. Indeed, all of my potential plans seemed far-fetched now.

And then I had a thought.

"…I could train my body and try to increase my physical energy." I tilted my head up at her. "Even them out a bit."

This wasn't an easy option. The disparity was probably huge. But I was pretty sure that I didn't need them to be exactly equal. I just needed them to be closer together.

Kaa-chan's. "You'd have a long way to go to narrow that gap," she said gently.

"I'm patient," I countered. "I'm willing to try."

Her lips pursed with displeasure. "How do you know that your spiritual energy and physical energy won't increase together?"

What could I say to that? I was pretty sure that they wouldn't, that the issue came from having the knowledge of an adult encased in a tiny shell, and that it was therefore possible that physical training could catch my body up just enough to where I could safely use jutsu, even if my control wasn't the best.

But I couldn't come out and say that. I mulled over my response. "You have no guarantee that it would, either," I said carefully. "So… I want to spend some time training and we'll see how my chakra responds."

Surprise crossed her face at the suggestion. For a moment, it seemed that she was considering it. My heart quickened. Maybe… But then her eyes closed, and her jaw set, and I swallowed my hope.

"I'm not risking it," she said gently. "No, Baika. No."

I stared up at her in disbelief, but she had already looked away from me. She would not be budged.

I turned and trudged into our bedroom, my shoulders slumped in a show of defeat, but I could feel a fire light in me even as I shut the door behind me.

'Alright, immovable object,' I thought. 'Meet unstoppable force.'

* * *

' _The best lies have truth to them,' I reflected._

* * *

Kaa-chan had been in high spirits today. Over the last few days, actually. On Saturday, she'd spontaneously suggested that we take a walk around the village and had stopped in every shop that I'd glanced at for more than a moment, asking me if I wanted anything each time. On Monday, she'd given me the last cookie of the batch at the end of our shift. On Tuesday, she'd encouraged me to run over to the library to find a book for us to read together. It was the first time she'd ever let me go somewhere by myself.

She hadn't mentioned That Conversation since it had happened, but she'd been doing her best to make up for it. Part of me wanted to just accept the silent apology for what it was. The other part of me saw the opportunity it presented, though.

I tugged the skirt of her yukata during a slow period at work. "Kaa-chan?"

She looked down at me with a smile. "Yes, blossom?"

I fiddled with my sleeves, a habit I knew she found adorable. "I wanna start going out alone more," I said quietly. "Like when you let me go to the library. That was a lot of fun."

She hesitated. "Well, the library is right next door, blossom," she pointed out, furrowing her brows. "I don't know if I'd be comfortable with you going much further."

I shrugged. "Kazu's allowed to go to the park and stuff by himself," I pointed out.

This was true. I had grown up in a post-latchkey era in my first life, but Konoha hadn't quite gotten there yet. The village was pretty safe, from what I'd been able to tell, and people weren't quite as concerned with walking alone at night. Possibly since one scream would be enough to send any shinobi within five blocks running to investigate at top speed. Which, considering they were shinobi, was pretty fast.

Kaa-chan, however, didn't view it that way. "I don't know, Baika," she said, biting her lip. "You're younger than Kazuya."

"It doesn't count, it's only by a few months," I protested. Plus, there was the whole 'used to be an adult' thing, though I wasn't going to mention that. "Well, what about Sasuke? He's been going out on his own more, too."

Kaa-chan softened. "…Alright, Baika," she said. "I'll let you go out without me more." Just as my head shot up and I began to grin, though, she held up a single finger. "If you have Kazuya or Sasuke with you," she finished.

My smile faltered.

This would be trickier than I thought.

* * *

On Saturday, Sasuke met me at the café, and we left for an afternoon out. I had thought a great deal about my options over the last few days. This situation wasn't ideal. The plan worked best if I was alone. I wasn't sure whether I could do it with Sasuke here. If he mentioned it to Mikoto and she discussed it with Kaa-chan, I'd be right back where I started.

'Not back where I started,' I corrected myself. 'Worse. Because I'd lose Kaa-chan's trust.'

The alternative, though, giving up altogether, didn't sit right with me. Was I really not even going to try? No way.

I just had to bring Sasuke in on it.

When he started toward the park, I grabbed his hand. He whirled to face me in surprise, mouth open to say something, but I spoke first.

"Not that way," I said confidently, pulling him down a different street at a fast pace.

Sasuke wrenched his hand from mine. "Don't tell me what to do," he grumbled, but he walked with me anyway. "Where are we going?"

I sent him a broad smile that I hoped said 'fun' but that probably said 'trouble'. "You'll see," I said.

We arrived at the training grounds and found them blessedly empty. There were many training spots around here but with the number of shinobi who used them there had been no guarantees. Sasuke was blinking at our surroundings, brows furrowing. "What are we doing here?" he asked.

I turned to him and swallowed. "Sasuke, I want you to help me train," I blurted.

He blinked, taken completely aback. "Train? But… I thought you couldn't be a ninja."

I frowned. My suspicions that Kaa-chan had told Mikoto were correct. That might make this harder. "Kaa-chan doesn't think so, but I think I can." I glanced down at my feet, tracing a shape in the dirt with my toe. "I just want to try. If I can't do it, then I'll quit. But I want to know for sure. Even if I have to do it in secret." I looked up and took a step closer to him. "Will you help me, Sasuke?" I had intended for the plea to sound level-headed, but even I could hear the desperation in my own voice, and given Sasuke's expression, he could, too.

He was staring at me, biting his lip in thought. I could tell he was conflicted. "…Would I have to lie to Okaa-san?"

I gave him an apologetic smile. "Yeah, I think you would," I said, not even attempting to sugar-coat it. "I'm sorry for that."

He closed his eyes and huffed slightly, opening them again after a beat. "…Okay. I'll help you," he said. "But I'm not lying to Nii-san. He's in on it, too."

I was too relieved for that to make a difference. I threw my arms around him in a hug that made him stumble back a few steps. "Thank you, Sasuke," I cried. "You have no idea what this means to me."

He didn't move at first. Then, hesitantly, he reached up and embraced me. "Whatever," he grunted, and when I released him, his cheeks were pink. "Don't worry about it."

I smiled. On another day, I might have teased him for it, but my gratitude stopped me. Because this was the first real step toward a better future, and I had no intention of taking it for granted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the positive response to chapter 1! I hope that you continue to enjoy this story as it goes on. Special thanks to everyone who left kudos and HUGE thanks to babychlo for your sweet comment! I’d love to hear what everyone thinks of chapter 2.


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